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We're your friends
And we know you have asthma
And we think it's time you got over it.
Your cerebral palsy is stupid
Why don't you just suck it up
Other people have it worse than you.
You don't really have HIV
You just think you do
If you stop thinking about it, it'll go away.
We've been talking about it
And we think that you're faking your cancer
Stop trying to get attention.
You can't do any of that?
Then stop telling me to do the same about my depression.
I WishI wish
One day, the past will leave me be.
Crawl back into the shadows
Release its hold on me.
One day, I can hold my head up high.
Ignoring the cruel remarks
That make me want to curl up and cry.
One day, the pain will fade.
The constant ache in both heart and body
So I won't always be afraid.
One day, everybody can get along.
Mom and Dad won't fight anymore
And everyone can feel like they belong.
One day, I won't want to die.
But there's so much suffering
Why should I even try?
But most of all
I wish for a friend
Someone who is caring.
Someone who is loyal.
Someone who is kind.
One day, I will have a friend.
Someone whom I can trust
Someone who won't pretend.
I Am AliveI am alive.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't.
Why am I here?
Why do I exist?
I shouldn't be alive.
Sometimes I hate my parents.
Why did they make me?
Why was I born?
I am alive.
Sometimes I see the dead on the news.
Is it wrong that I envy them?
Why do they know peace, whilst I suffer?
I shouldn't be alive.
So the bullies remind me daily.
Why do they hate me?
Why do they hurt me?
I am alive.
Maybe I shouldn't be.
Would my family be able to make ends meet?
Would my family know less pain?
I shouldn't be alive.
With a gun in my hand.
With a noose around my neck
With a knife to my wrist.
But I am alive.
And I'll make the most of it.
And I grit my teeth.
And I scream to the heavens:
Endless DreamsCrashes, crashes
Fire and ashes
Burning all that touch the heat
The armies are shattered
Your protectors flee in defeat
The skies are black
Friends fall to thunder-cracks
You run away so frightened
The death bells toll
You cry and fold
As the noose tightened
Then your eyes turn wide
Why should you hide?
You are no longer screaming
The skies are blue
You see the world anew
As you're sleeping and dreaming
The Magic of BooksI pity those who don't read.
To them, books are just paper
Marked with ink all over.
To them, books seem so boring
Silent and still with nothing to offer.
And they ask me,
Why do you read?
Why do you laugh?
Why do you cry?
What do you see in those pages?
I reply, "Because it's enjoyable"
And they laugh and wave me away.
But if they could see what I see
And feel what I feel,
Would they be laughing then?
Would they laugh?
When the evil overlord falls
struck down by the heroes
Head tumbling down the stairs?
Or would they cheer?
Would they laugh?
When the old mentor passes
A smile upon his face
Having passed his knowledge to disciples?
Or would they shed tears?
This is the magic of books
Books are capable of making you feel
Sadness, anger, happiness,
Sorrow, frustration, joy
They can transport you to times and places
Places you've never been or have never existed
Times of knights and kings
Times of sorcery and magic
Times of flying cars and lasers.
They can make you see through t
So Why?The room is packed
Filled with people of every race.
So why does it feel so empty?
Dozens of voices in the air
Cheers, jeers and jokes.
So why is it so silent?
Everyone is happy
Their faces filled with joy and laughter.
So why do I feel so sad?
I should feel confident here
These people share my interests, some, my ideals.
So why do I feel so different?
People crowd around me
Wishing me well and calling me friend.
Why do I feel so alone?
No Longer In ControlI'm looking around
But I'm not the one looking.
My head turns
But I'm not the one turning.
My legs are walking
But I'm not the one moving.
My lips move
But I'm not the one talking.
My eyes are mine
Yet they are not.
My limbs are mine
Yet they are not.
My voice is mine
Yet it is not.
I try to scream for help
But no one hears it
For no sound is made.
I try to wave for help
But no one sees it
For I do not move.
I feel like weeping
But I don't, I can't
I am not the one in control
How do you fight someone
When that someone is you?
I Am Not AloneAll it takes is one kind word
To brighten up my day.
All it takes is one small smile
To make the pain go away.
When I fell, you helped me up.
When I cried, you held me close.
When I hurt, you kissed it away.
When I choked, you gave me breath.
All it takes is one little hug
And all my troubles cease.
All it takes is one stray laugh
And this fog in my mind decreases.
When I burned, you put me out.
When I cut, you helped me heal.
When I died, you brought me back.
When I left, you made me stay.
You refused to let me hurt.
You refused to let me drown.
You refused to let me go.
And you let me know,
I am not alone.
MasksI have many masks
For different people
For different places
For different times
All constructed by fear
The fear of losing, of pain, of being known
One I wear for my friends
Who I cannot live without
I smile and laugh with them
But the smile is shallow, the laugh hollow
It is a mask, all a lie
One I wear for my family
Who worry endlessly for me
I do my best to ease their fears
But I'm just hiding the pain inside
It is a mask, all a lie
One I wear for my therapist
Who is paid to care for me
I tell her I'm better, everything's fine
But I've never felt worse in my life
It is a mask, all a lie.
When I'm alone the masks drop
And I tell myself they were needed
But it is a lie, don't you see?
It is a mask like any other
The one who must be fooled is me.
this is not a suicide notewhat would change if i left?
would you wear your sadness
like a bullet-- raw and fresh and
slung, chafing, into solemn chambers;
or would you swallow it down
to poison your lungs,
steal your breath & dissolve
the remnants of me?
would you smoke yourself out,
a pyre of anger in one fist
smouldering with resentment--
unfueled but hot and bright and
burning our love to ashes;
or would you hang it,
trailing, coiled around your neck
where it will catch, untenanted,
on shards of me and tighten
to choke you?
would you throw in the towel
and jump, too, unfettered
without my soul;
or would you just breathe butterflies,
an exultation of relief and gratitude?
Showing YourselfShowing yourself doesn't make you weak.
I'll give you exactly what you seek.
This vulnerability is a part of you.
There isn't anything you can do.
I'm only here to give you help.
Don't have to do it by yourself.
It doesn't matter what you say.
I promise that I'm here to stay.
When you find it's hard to breathe,
Let me be there to relieve.
Want you to know I don't think less.
Only you think that you're a mess.
Please, I just want to be here.
I really do love you, dear.
Why can’t you hear me?
Why won’t you answer me?
Why don’t you look at me?
Please see me…
I’m sick of being a ghost…
Of my words falling
Onto the cold hard earth
Of your ears.
No one hears the snow
All you do is feel it…
Can you feel me?
Feel my presence…
The hand I reach out for
To steady me…
Or for the shoulder
When I need to cry…
But no one feels a ghost…
Look at me…
Speak to me…
Laugh with me…
I’m an amazing person
You just wait and see
I’ll show you the world I see
I’ll show you how to smile and laugh again
I’ll show you the promise of love
Even though you have given it up
I’ll show you adventure
And watch adrenaline pump through our system
And watch these feelings of ours grow.
Even if I haven’t met you yet…
I know you are out there
Don't Talk to MeDon't talk to me. Just leave me alone.
I was doing fine all on my own.
You ask me all about my day,
But I don't know what I'm to say.
I try turning my body around.
I face my head towards the ground,
But the conversation goes on still.
I wonder if I can fake being ill.
And as I knew all along,
My words start to come out wrong.
I feel my mind begin to trip,
And out my lips the words slip.
I wonder if my face is sinking.
I wish I knew what you were thinking.
I replay the scene over in my head.
All day I hear what I have said.
Why couldn't you just let me be?
I told you not to talk to me.
PainNothing seems real
In this sea of static
Horrors keep pounding on
My vacuum of expectation
Signals of monstrosity
Untouched and undiscovered
My essence of impurity
I'll split my veins apart
To make myself feel anything
I'll shred the world to bits
In search for the unreal
Innocence and violence
Mix together boiling
Droplets of blood cry
In their silent resistance
Against darkness around
Against threats unseen
In this world of madness
And deadly inevitability
In this sterile reality
I float unaffected
I need pain to acknowledge
My elusive existence
MemoriesHow terrible the memories,
That run through your head.
Sometimes you've wondered,
If you'd be better off dead.
You may have found a reason,
That will allow you to live,
But the things you've done,
You could never forgive.
You hold so much guilt.
You hold so much fear.
You're terrified that,
You'll hurt everyone near.
You were so afraid,
Of letting your secret out.
You should never feel,
That my love would have doubt.
Whatever you think,
I want you to understand,
I'll always be there,
To hold your hand.
As long as you work with me,
I'll accept whatever you do.
Whatever your past,
I will always love you.
You've given me more happiness,
Than I could ever say.
You're the reason that I smile,
Each and every day.
You're helping me change,
To accept myself too.
You help me through the fear,
Of something completely new.
You've helped me so much.
I just want to see you smile.
Let's just live in the present,
For a little while.
PainI am in so much pain
It hurts me every single day
A piece of glass for my heart
It too easily comes apart.
Torn by hurtful words that came from you
“Why do I breathe the same air you do?”
My existence wavers on this Earth
Soon will I become one with the dirt?
No one ever seems to notice me
Will I ever be set free?
To be valued and noticed by you
Is all I ever want to do.
But I don’t know how much longer
I can try to reconquer
The space I once held in your heart
While it turns more tart.
With flowers on my grave
This I dare say…
“Keep your trivial love that tears so deep
And my experience I shall keep.
Here I shall say adieu
And become a person anew”
TwitterExcuse me sir!
I don’t believe we’ve met,
But may I have your attention please?
I’d like to inform you
That I’m about to bombard you
With useless pieces of information
Regarding my day
What I had for breakfast!
That I brushed my teeth
That I had a shit
What I watched on TV
And so on and so forth
I can see how interested you are
So here’s a picture of my lunch!
And my breakfast
And my dinner
And my ‘cheeky McDonalds’
Look at me! I’m a celebrity
Of the world wide web
It’ll be written on my epitaph
How I changed the world
And inspired people
With my shitty retyped tumblr posts
The 54 images of my dog
What was that sir? You don’t care?
Let me inform you that
I scored 100 points on Farmville!
I feel everyone should know!
It should be headline news!
Can’t you see?
I’m the face of the human race!
Isn’t that just great?
I am not enchantedI am not enchanted
The dreams came but they weren’t dreams
I was awake but I felt hands, fists, the heat of the witch’s oven.
No gingerbread enticed me just stories.
I would rather have the gingerbread,
Candy canes entering my mouth.
So I cut myself, intricate whorls, the meanings of an Irish sacrament
transcribed in ink by monks who believed
an infinite number of angels could dance on the head of a pin
because they are incorporeal, no bodies to hurt.
I cut myself. One night with razors I cut myself so many times,
drew upon myself images, words, curving lines
until I could not move for a day.
Arms, legs, belly enflamed. Someone could have read it.
I was a princess enchanted by pain not sleep,
the rose briers were embedded into my skin.
But it was not enchanted, I was simply an outsider to pleasure.
The fists were meant simply to hurt.
A Turning Point in the Clockwork WarA war of attrition
depends on supply and drawdown,
how much you have and how much you use up.
With personnel, the balance concerns
the influx of recruitment versus
the outflow of casualties, deserters, invalids.
There is only so much loss
that a fighting force can sustain
and still fight.
Pilot Claude Archer was the first
to challenge his invalid discharge.
"I don't need legs to fly," he said,
patting the healed stumps of his thighs.
"My Osprey runs on elbow grease."
The members of the discharge board
paused and looked at each other.
What he said was true.
The Osprey-class fighter jets
relied on hand controls,
and a sharp eye and iron nerve.
Fingers flicked through the stack
of discharge papers -- so many, many pages.
So many soldiers lost, never to fight again.
They could not afford to let slip even one
who might be retained, somehow,
to face the front line once more.
Far less could the war effort spare
one of its best pilots.
So they put Pilot Archer back on the roster,
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